The silence ends here
I was meditating today and thinking about how to start this last chapter, closing out all the bullshit I endured with my soon-to-be ex-husband. Everything that happened was so wild, but I’ve been feeling like I need to get it all out instead of dropping little pieces and expecting people to put the puzzle together.
I’m not trying to write a whole book, even though I’ve got more than enough material for one. Funny enough, the woman he left me for actually did. And yes, I read it (curiosity killed the cat, meow). I’ll get to that later. I just think it’s something worth sharing. If nothing else, it might be an interesting read.
This Might Be a Little Messy
I’ll be all over the place with these writings because I never really sat down and formed a full version of events, so please bear with me.
I wrote this back in 2022, when I started to gain some clarity and slowly drifted out of the fog I’d been living in.
I would’ve never chosen:
“Man hides sterility from his partner who wanted children, then reveals it 13 years later after starting a ‘love is love’ affair with a yoga teacher and self-described women’s empowerment advocate we met at a festival a decade earlier.” on my bingo card.
But here we are.
Everything Was Blurry
When we separated, it felt like time stopped. I never fully spoke about what happened. Honestly, I was deeply traumatized, both by what he told me and what I later uncovered. On top of that, I was still grieving the loss of my childhood best friend of over 20 years.
There was nothing I could do but go numb. And I stayed there for a few years.
It’s wild how your mind detaches from reality to protect you from the most devastating parts of your life.
It’s just as strange when you finally return to yourself and begin to speak your truth.
It All Came Rushing Back
Eventually, it all came flooding in. When the brain fog started to lift and the memories returned with more clarity, I began to remember.
I remembered the years of heartbreak every month when my period came.
I remembered his reluctance to get tested, in contrast to the fertility strategies I tried: Vitamins, charting, testing, egg counting, internal ultrasounds, even exploratory surgery to figure out what was wrong.
Surprise: it wasn’t me.
I remembered the blame.
The gaslighting.
The procrastination.
I remembered the trying-to-have-a-baby talks and all the family future-tripping, even though he knew it wasn’t going to happen without medical help on his end.
I remembered the hostility when I didn’t respond the way he wanted to his sterility reveal.
I remembered finding out about his affair thanks to their public Instagram & Facebook flirting ☯️🦋🐨 (as well as her blog, which, oddly enough I used to follow. Again, more on that later).
I remembered finally being able to piece it all together what happened the months before and on the day we split.
Blessing in Betrayal
Oddly enough, I’m thankful for it now.
Hear me out:
If he hadn’t sought comfort with another woman, and if she hadn’t come in to “rescue” him from the horrible environment and the “narcissistic, egotistical, aggressive bully with no humility” I supposedly was (his words to me when I revealed I knew about her)…
…I might never have realized that he took away my choice and my autonomy on purpose.
Behind the Façade
Another wild part?
I also found out he had been flirting with multiple women, telling some he was single and others that we had an open marriage.
We did not.
There’s just so much more, and honestly, with clarity, I can now say loudly:
He’s a piece of shit and easily the worst person I’ve ever met.
More to Come
I’ll start with that for now and come back to share a few stories that still linger in my mind.
Strap in if you want, it’s a doozy.
