“Despite understanding, on some level, that he knew what he was doing was wrong, he never conceded the hypocrisy of being out in the world preaching positivity, spiritualism, Buddhism/Hinduism, enlightenment, and chakras while at the same time, taking away my right to make choices for my life and my body based on the truth.”
I wrote this a few years ago, when everything was happening in the middle of my divorce. It’s raw and unedited. Fixing it didn’t feel right, but posting it now does.
”You tried it though.”
This was said to one of my girlfriends as she stepped in to defend me from countless passive-aggressive statements and his skewing of events after he left. Looking back, it’s oddly humorous, because it’s exactly what I’ve been thinking lately. He did try it, tried to get away with multiple things. And as we know, the truth always comes out in the end.
Anyhow, imma tell you guys a little secret. Right after Black Panther came out, I was so pissed and in shock, after the revelation of that life-altering lie (hidden sterility) I literally barked ala m’baku style at someone I used to know. #fact
It’s probably one of the pettiest things I’ve ever done as it was before I understood the full truth of the situation that was going on around me so I’m guessing my inner conscience was like, wake up. Some even more scandalous shit is happening, and it was mad for me.
It was a horrible situation, made worse by every choice he made along the way.
We were two people who had known each other for over a decade. And when the truth finally came out, it revealed secrets that made it impossible for me to ever want him in my life in any capacity. Whatever affection once existed did not survive the realization of what he had done and who he truly was. That was never a question. What I still think about, though, is how much less destructive the ending could have been for both of us if he had been honest sooner and if the divorce had been handled between the two people actually involved.
Adding a third party into an already fragile situation doesn’t soften the blow. It compounds it. It introduces self-interest, distortion, and unnecessary damage. Things unravel faster and more cruelly when someone else is operating in the shadows.
Anyways if there is a lesson here, it’s this: finish one chapter before starting another. Be careful what you wish for. And never keep life-altering secrets from the person whose life they affect. Doing so isn’t a mistake. It’s a moral failure.
